whimsicalsunflower

I left my job, had a heartbreak, lost a few friends and messed up my painting. And the cherry on top of this 'ugh' cake is the pandemic. Although, I must say that the lockdown has given me plenty of time to think things over... to start over.  I've always found myself on the lookout for new things (the evil need for constant stimulation). I don't jump from one thing to another, I accumulate things and then one day hell breaks loose or as my therapist calls it- burnout. And now it seems like nature has intervened and asked me to stop and this time not to accumulate things but to sort them. As I sat with my thoughts, I got scared. Why? Cause the answer to all my questions was 'I don't know.' What's my next job gonna be? I don't know. Will I ever find love again? I don't know. You get the drill. Philosophers call this thought liberating but you know what, I don't know. So one day, I decided to confront this 'I don't know', not with a...

Hey. I hope you're doing well. Just thought I'd stop by and say hello and also, share my thoughts on the 'situation' we're in.  First things first, let's rid ourselves of any judgement. It's a fairly new situation and we're all trying to figure it out so.. no judgements. Let's just be nice to ourselves (already!) So I've been up to a lot of little little things. Having no job and quarantined gives you a lot of time. Yeah, I left my job and just before I thought of running into another one, the universe had different plans. After consulting with my therapist, I've decided to slow down and do things I like/love, irrespective of the results or seeing them as potential 'skills' for my resume (screw you capitalism!) I thought of just vibing with myself so I walked down the memory lane and made my first stop at drawing. Oh! My first true love. 'In the brush doing what it's doing, it will stumble on what one couldn't do by ones...

Its been a long day. What I did? Nothing. Spent my time pondering over things I neglected in the past- me. Somebody asked me to describe myself. Well, I don't really have an answer to that. However, I do have some glimpses of myself; some I like, some I just accept. I'm a fallible human being and it took me oh-so-many years to accept that. See? That was a glimpse. So yeah, going about living my life, not drawing a personality for myself, makes me wonder if I'm being zen here or just safe, hiding in the shadows of my thoughts. People have come and gone from my life and so have their opinions about me. I just went with the flow. Became those opinions when I was around them. So it left me confused when they drifted and made me crave for answers. Side note- 'drifted away' feels like we're still trying to hold onto to the person while 'left' feels so devoid of hope. Anyway, coming back, so I decided to just stop. Put that annoying sound of opinions in my m...