Back To Square One

I left my job, had a heartbreak, lost a few friends and messed up my painting. And the cherry on top of this 'ugh' cake is the pandemic. Although, I must say that the lockdown has given me plenty of time to think things over... to start over. 
I've always found myself on the lookout for new things (the evil need for constant stimulation). I don't jump from one thing to another, I accumulate things and then one day hell breaks loose or as my therapist calls it- burnout. And now it seems like nature has intervened and asked me to stop and this time not to accumulate things but to sort them. As I sat with my thoughts, I got scared. Why? Cause the answer to all my questions was 'I don't know.' What's my next job gonna be? I don't know. Will I ever find love again? I don't know. You get the drill. Philosophers call this thought liberating but you know what, I don't know. So one day, I decided to confront this 'I don't know', not with a bang but with a soft knock. And as we conversed, I realised that the universe is not that teacher who runs behind us with a ruler, waiting for an opportunity to snap once we make a mistake. It is that teacher who nudges us in the direction right for us and then leaves the rest to us.
We are the authors of our own stories. And sure, somedays, we end up writing pages together and somedays even getting a sentence out is a struggle. Let us allow ourselves both. It's our book, it is special. Good, bad or ugly, who's to decide? There ain't a judge here and hence no competition. No matter how many pauses we wish to take, how many mistakes we make, how many 'I don't know's fly around; we gotta pick up the pen again! Begin again.
And it need not be with a bang, a soft knock works too :)

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